Charley Dean Sayers’ Photo Book Is an Unfiltered Document of Her Transition

Model and artist Charley Dean Sayers understands the necessity of nuance in her new book 17th November. The collection of photographs, medical ephemera and diary entries record her experience of undergoing sex-reassignment surgery in Thailand in 2017, offering a ruthlessly honest story of transitioning at the age of 18. Unafraid of the distressing realities of transitioning, her recollections resist the temptation of predictable narratives of empowerment, instead acknowledging the pain, labour and stress of transitioning. Portraits show a scared 18-year-old, anxious about undergoing incredibly invasive surgery, diary entries record her feelings of terror and shame, details of the dilation process mark the painful and ongoing journey of recovery.

“The trans community is rarely afforded the right to be unfiltered, when everything is seen through such a political lens by everyone else,” says Sayers. “We spend so much time fighting to just have basic rights and autonomy over our own gender and expression that when healthcare is finally afforded to us, it feels like you haven’t had time to process what that really means. You don’t get time to stop and feel the processes happening to your body. It’s ultimately going to be a happy ending, but am I ready for all of the turmoil that’s going to come?”

The book is the product of a journey of healing and reflection for both her and her mother, who Sayers describes as “a shining example of what it means to support a trans child”, having spent hours on LGBTQ+ chatrooms seeking advice from elder trans women and unwaveringly supporting Sayers through each step of her transition. “I think she had been looking forward to surgery as much as I had,” says Sayers. “She knew what that meant for me in terms of my confidence and my happiness. Nobody knows me like my mum does. But she’s also been put through this emotional process. Surgery doesn’t just affect the person it’s happening to, it affects everyone.” 

The most emotional parts of the book are Sayers’ mother’s diary entries, which demonstrate the complex emotions she felt as a carer – at once excited for her daughter, but also scared for her child’s health and wellbeing. Space for the emotional worlds of the carers of trans people is often ignored, and Sayers is both tactile and generous with its inclusion. Their maternal relationship lies at the core of the project with many of the images in the book being taken by Sayer’s mother, who despite a little resistance, agreed to document the process. “She’s really happy that she did do it, but at the time it was extremely hard for her,” she says. “There were instances where she just outright refused to take pictures of some of the things that I was going through. But she agrees now that looking at this book and all of the content does make it easier to process.”

While difficult for her mother, Sayers saw the documentation process as key to mentally preparing herself for the intimacy of the procedure. “Viewing the surgery as an art project was definitely a coping mechanism, whether I realised it at the time or not,” says Sayers. “When you start transitioning, it can often feel like a creative project. It becomes a process of collecting and curating your surroundings in order for you to flourish and become yourself. Going into surgery, it didn’t feel any different.”

17th November strives for a nuanced understanding of trans healthcare, dismissing the viability of single narratives. Sayers is transparent that her experience can only count for herself. “No matter what I do, to a large group of society, I will be speaking for my community. This is a huge weight when the content really is just about my body and my truth. It’s so personal, for every single person. No, two trans people are going to have the exact same experiences.”

17th November by Charley Dean Sayers launches on February 17th at the Photo Book Cafe in London.